I am so grateful to all of you who responded to my first blog post yesterday on how we sometimes fake happiness. I love knowing we are “in this together,” and so appreciate your insights! I’ll be returning to them for future post ideas and can’t wait to hear what you say next!
Today I’d like to respond to the comment made by Lee that we each need to be responsible for our happiness. The way I see this, is if my kids are nagging and grumpy, I can stay in a calm and joyful state regardless. What they are doing or feeling does not have to impact me, and vice-versa.
While I wholeheartedly agree with this in theory, I think the practical side needs to be honestly looked at.
In other words, I (who does this appreciative work for a living) know I “should” be able to stay calm and centered on those days when my kids are tired, crabby, and seem to fight with each other non-stop. I find that if I am in a really good place myself, I can do it. I can be the calm in the storm and handle the situation lovingly and rationally. And I feel so good about myself on those days.
And then there are those other times when I’m not in such a good place. I might be tired and crabby myself, and when they show up grumpy, we feed off each other into a downward spiral.
So what do we do? I still believe it is important for us to take responsibility for our happiness, and to teach our kids to do the same. I also think we need to rethink it as a journey rather than a destination. In other words, it’s an ideal. Staying joyful in the midst of negativity is something we continuously work towards and strive to achieve. And in those moments we are able to do it, we celebrate that. And when we don’t measure up, we don’t beat ourselves up. We reflect on the situation and learn from it, and try again.
And let’s face it. Staying joyful in any moment, even without negative influences, is a journey as well.
The other thing I’m realizing is that I am at my best as a parent when I’m in a good place. When I’m feeling on-top-of the world, I’m the greatest parent of all. I can respond lovingly to almost any situation. Which makes me think that the real secret to “good” parenting is feeling good about yourself. Would you agree? Tell me what you think!
Hello Jackie,
Thanks for helping to bring appreciative parenting to the forefront of parents’ minds. The more awareness on this topic and its proven benefits to families, the better. The Parent Coaching Institute and PCI Certified Parent Coaches® have been applying Appreciative Inquiry as one of the four parts of The PCI Coaching Model™ for 8 years. The PCI is one of many organizations and individuals who have researched and shown that this approach is highly effective when working with families. If you’d like to read The PCI research summary, please download from this page http://www.thepci.org/articles.htm.
Congratulations on getting your new blog up and running, and thank you for helping parents find greater joy in their families.
Sincerely,
Sharon Soldenwagner
Outreach Coordinator
Parent Coaching Institute
Hi Jackie! Thanks for sharing your experiences & insights. I’m grateful! The following quote keeps coming to mind this week -
Ideals are like stars; you will
not succeed in touching them
with your hands, but like the
seafaring man on the desert
of waters, you choose them
as your guides, and following
them, you reach your destiny.
Carl Schurz
The stars are the guides (our ideals, in this case appreciative parenting) and following them, trusting them, even on cloudy nights, help us reach our destiny …
Thanks for the opportunity to share!
I don’t know how many people have responded to your blogs, but I feel compelled to tell you that your blogs have been helpful to me, not only reminding me to enjoy the precious time I spend with the girls in my house here in Peru, but enjoying each day we live. Please keep them coming.
great post as usual!