I remember a story Betty Sue Flowers told at a conference several years back about the astronauts who first walked on the moon. She said they had just landed on earth and were being quarantined in a special room to be sure they were not bringing back any dangerous germs.
They were watching television footage of their infamous journey, including spectacular shots of the earth from outer space. At some point one of them turned to the other and essentially said, “We missed the whole thing.”
I feel like this as a parent sometimes. I get swept away in the mission of making sure the kids are eating healthy, doing well in school, adjusting socially, expanding through extra activities, sleeping adequately, behaving well, and learning what I believe is important in life, that I miss the whole thing. I miss the beauty and miracle of watching them grow up. And when they were babies I feel like I really missed the whole thing, as any spare moments I had were used to squeeze in a meal or shower for myself.
This is one of the reasons I can’t wait to be a grandparent. Grandparents are not concerned so much with the mission as they are looking out the window. And I bet part of this comes from the realization that they too missed a lot of it as parents.
And yet the mission is important. If the astronauts had spent all their time staring out the window, they might not have made it to the moon let alone back to earth. Someone has to steer the ship. I think it comes down to balance as well as awareness.
First we have to be aware there is a miraculous part of raising a child that is always there regardless of how well or poorly the mission is going. And I believe that much of the satisfaction and joy in parenting comes from pausing to look out the window at our child and see the beauty of who they are. And to connect with the miracle and honor of being able to raise a child and watch them fully step into their life.
I’m committing for the next two weeks to start and end each day by doing this. When I first see my children in the morning I’m going to pause and really look at the miracle of who they are, and connect to the deep love and honor I feel for getting to be such an important and intimate part of their journey. No-one will ever know them or love them the way I do. I would give my life for them, and in many ways I do metaphorically. But I’ll save that for another day.
Anyone else want to try this experiment with me?
What a great blog. If every parent was as sensitive and concerned about enjoying their children what a better world this would be. Though I have a great indian woman who works with the children in my house here in Peru, I try to enjoy every moment I can with these girls. Most of the credit goes to Luci. though, the woman who helps raises (is that the right word?) I am going to tell as many people I can about your blog. And i am looking forward to visiting your site often. Congrats.
I really enjoyed reading your blog. Sometimes we’re so focused on what our long term goals are with our children ie, preparing to them into a good college, be well adjusted adults, etc, that we sometimes forget our short term goal of living in the moment with them. Because we as parents miss so much, our children will end up missing out on less. Thank you for bringing to light what can so easily get lost in the day to day shuffle and I cant wait to join you on this experiment. Congratulations on a mission well done Jackie!
I really enjoyed reading your blog. Sometimes we’re so focused on what our long term goals are with our children ie, preparing to them into a good college, be well adjusted adults, etc, that we sometimes forget our short term goal of living in the moment with them. Because we as parents miss so much, our children will end up missing out on less. Thank you for bringing to light what can so easily get lost in the day to day shuffle and I cant wait to join you on this experiment. Congratulations on a mission well done Jackie!